Joke of the Day

These two jokes are dedicated to my mother. She was my English teacher for many of my school years, so everything I learned about writing, grammar, and spelling I learned from her!

Excerpts From Real Science Papers Written by Kids
-One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
-You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
-When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
-I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
-A vibration is a motion what cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
-Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils; others preferred to become oil
-Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change into a sun in the daytime.


(Misrepresented) Rules for Editing
-Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
-Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
-And son't start a sentence with a conjunction.
-It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
-Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
-Be more or less specific.
-Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
-Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
-Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
-Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
-One should NEVER generalize.
-Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
-Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
-One word sentences? Eliminate.
-Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.