Happy holidays!!

Merry Christmas, everyone! I enjoy this time of year, getting together with family and thanking God once again for His sacrifice and for making this season possible. What unspeakable joy and peace He has brought to my life! He loved me so much He gave His life for me. Absolutely mind blowing! How could I do any less? My goal as I go thru this season is to let others see Jesus thru me- the real reason for the season.

Much love from our family to yours!!

To All My Friends!!

 1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!! 

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.. 
  
3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 

4. When you're scared, we will high tail it out of here. 
  
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!! 
  
6. When you are confused, I will use little words. 
  
7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.... 


8. When you fall, I'll pick you up and dust you off-- after I laugh my rear off!! 
  
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask-- because you are my FRIEND!

Blessings...

Zander has a tooth- bottom left, same as Londyn's first one. (I find that interesting.) He hasn't discovered it yet, or he'd be leaving tooth marks in everything, I'm sure.

I've tried something new at bedtime, and, to my great surprise, it's working. I tried lying the twins down with their pacifiers and blankets and just let them play around a bit until they fall asleep. They can't jump around or stand, but, by the time I put them in their beds, they're too tired to do much but roll around and chat quietly anyway. They are actually putting themselves to sleep!! With Janessa and Kyzer, I rocked them to sleep until they were much older (Kyzer still requires it sometimes). Having the twins do this has made my life so much easier. I miss snuggling and rocking them at night (I make up for it during the day), but bedtime is not nearly as stressful.

Hard to believe they're almost a year old already. Sigh... Time goes so fast. Many times throughout the day I'll hear them belly laugh, and a few minutes later, one of the girls will come find me and say, "Momma, the twins are so much fun to play with. I'm glad we have them!!" What wonderful children we were blessed with!!

Joke of the Day

These two jokes are dedicated to my mother. She was my English teacher for many of my school years, so everything I learned about writing, grammar, and spelling I learned from her!

Excerpts From Real Science Papers Written by Kids
-One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
-You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
-When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
-I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
-A vibration is a motion what cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
-Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils; others preferred to become oil
-Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change into a sun in the daytime.


(Misrepresented) Rules for Editing
-Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
-Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
-And son't start a sentence with a conjunction.
-It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
-Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
-Be more or less specific.
-Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
-Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
-Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
-Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
-One should NEVER generalize.
-Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
-Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
-One word sentences? Eliminate.
-Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Happy Turkey Day!!

May your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey be plump.

May your taters and gravy
Have nary a lump.

May your yams be delicious,
May your pies take the prize.

May your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs...


We pray everyone's day is blessed and full of happy memories!!

Love,
The Goff's

Teeth and sleep...

...seem to be the focus of my life right now, in case you couldn't tell! Londyn now has two of the cutest bottom teeth that ever bit me. Zander's two bottom teeth are so close to poking thru. I think the older three are more ecstatic than I am when the twins pop a tooth! Or maybe it's just any old excuse to party....

In spite of the (insane, retarded) set back in time, the twins are sleeping later. On a good morning (which is happening more often than not), they won't get up until 7:00, which is really still 8:00 to their wiggly bodies. Given a few more weeks (as long as it continues to get darker in the mornings), I think they'll do better.

And, you will be appalled to know that I went to bed with a sink FULL of dirty dishes last night. Quite honestly, I only felt the slightest twinge of guilt! Unfortunately, they were still there when I got up this morning. (I'm going to have to fire that maid!!)

Have a blessed, marvelous weekend!!

First Tooth!!

Londyn's bottom left tooth made its appearance yesterday. Maybe now we can all get some sleep!!! Somehow I doubt that as we have many more teeth to go. Sigh... My favorite scripture right now? "This too shall pass!!"

A comment regarding the previous post:
I guess complaining online did the trick. The twins have been sleeping until 7:30 or 8:00 in the mornings. Londyn didn't get up until 8:20 today!!!! She has discovered the power of the pacifier and I'm thankful- until I have to get up 983 times in the night to give it back to her cuz she's lost it... Oh well, at least we're improving on the sleeping in part!!

Needing a Cure

Proverbs 6:4 Give no sleep to your eyes, nor slumber to your eyelids. 


The twins have been taking this verse VERY seriously. 


Does anyone know how to get a child (or two) to sleep past 5:30 in the morning?!? As you well know, I am NOT a morning person; neither am I a night owl. The twins have decided they are morning people and are up by 6:00 most mornings. I am at my wits end trying to get them to sleep later. A good morning, they'll sleep until 7:00. I have to get up and take them out to the back porch to play, because, if I leave them in their beds, they sing and talk loud enough to wake Kyzer. Then they're grumpy and ready for morning nap right when we're flying around trying to get out the door for school. I'm finding it extremely difficult. Any suggestions are welcome. Douglas suggested Benadryl....

Twins update

I had our 8 month old twins in last week for their 4 month shots- I know, I'm behind. They're healthy and on target with their milestones, so I wasn't worried. The doctor was impressed, and said they look good. Londyn weighs 16 lbs 13 oz and is 28 in long. Zander weighs 18 lbs 13 oz and is 28 1/4 in long. He's always been the bigger baby, but Londyn is holding her own very well. She's much more mobile than he is, so she works it all off. They are only in the 25 percentile for weight, but the 75 percentile for height. All I know is- they're long and heavy!! 


Londyn is crawling all over, following me around the house "helping" do things. My favorite is when she "helps" load the dishwasher. She pulls up and stands, holding on with only one hand. She's just beginning to experiment with cruising from one place to another. Her balance is really good- she's almost standing on her own.


Zander is getting very frustrated at being left behind. With Londyn following me around, he's usually left in the room alone, and he doesn't like that at all! He detests being on his tummy though, so he won't stay there long enough to figure out how to crawl. I have noticed him getting up on his hands and knees, but he won't stay that way for long before he's aggravated and wants someone to sit him up. He loves to stand, but hasn't figured out how to pull himself up. His balance isn't that great, so he gets scared easily. He can't let go and only stand with one hand, so he gets bored pretty quick, too. 


I think they've started teething and I'm about to go insane. Zander wakes up screaming several times a night and during his naps. Londyn is very clingy, as well. I can't get anything done and that's not a good thing with company coming. 


Even with all the headache, laundry, dishes and annoyances, I'm very thankful God blessed us with the twins. They are such a joy and are always good for a laugh. I love my babies- all five!!

Happy Sweetest Day...

...to the best husband a girl could ever dream of!! I am so blessed to be your wife, Douglas. You have been my rock, my hand to hold, my shoulder to cry on, my go-to guy. Thank you for the past 11 years. I look forward to many more!!


All my love,
Rachel

Miss Curious

Londyn has been trying for some time to reach the stuff placed at the back of this table for quite some time. She was quiet today, so I came to check on her- this is where I found her.

Birthday Boy!!

Happy birthday, Kyzer!!!! I distinctly remember waking up early that Friday morning four short years ago and calling your Daddy, who was in Pittsburg, KS, and telling him to come home. After an eventful day, I kissed your left fist for the first time at 5:52 p.m. God truly blessed us when He put you in our lives. I pray your day is special and you are granted many more blessed year. I love you!!!

Miracles and blessings

The last month has brought many exciting things for our family. For starters, Janessa received the Holy Ghost right here at home in her own bathroom! She was listening to her iPod one afternoon at nap, and started praying. Hailey started praying with her, and, before they realized, Janessa had received the Holy Ghost. Daddy was able to baptize her in Jesus' name the next night at Cornerstone. It was beautiful! Now Kyzer talks about getting the Holy Ghost. He told me he wanted it for his birthday, which is coming up in a few weeks. Then he said he was going to get it right then, "but, I ain't gonna let Nessie see!!!", and off he went.

Shortly thereafter, God answered another prayer for me. I found out we would be able to have an answer to prayer this December instead of next December.

And, last, but most definitely not least, God gave Douglas a promotion. He is still working for KS City Southern Railroad, but that's the only thing that stayed the same. He is now a critical incident coordinator, working 12 hour days. He started last Monday and really enjoys what he's doing. His days are very busy, so they pass quickly. There is a strong possibility he'll end up working nights, still 12 hrs. That will prove interesting... I'm not used to the lack of contact. Used to, I could call or text and he'd answer me back. Now, I don't hear from him hardly. That makes for a very long day!!

We went to the birthday party of a kid whose parents attend Pure Life. It was a fantastic party- even the girls stepped out of their comfort zone and had fun.

The girls are looking forward to starting school on Friday. I'm not as excited as the girls are cuz I lose my helpers. We go school supply shopping tomorrow!

Tonight, we're headed to my niece's birthday party. Emily is 6 and a fun, rambunctious child.

But, right now, I must change diapers, feed babies and comb nappy heads....

Hailey's Miracle

Hailey Elisabeth Goff was the first of 12 to get the Holy Ghost this year at Sr. Camp. She received it on the first night, Tuesday, and has been very excited. Her daddy had the privilege of baptizing her in the precious name of Jesus Christ tonight on Father's Day. What a wonderful Father's Day gift!!!!

Daddy and Hailey before the big event

In the Tank

Nerves kick in- everyone's looking!!!

Nosy Parkers...

Nerves are gone; prayer works!!

Buried in Jesus' Name!!

Chatterbox

COOL!!!!

Precious Boy

Kyzer likes to crawl in bed and read before going to sleep. And, with Douglas out of town, has also decided he needs to sleep with me. I came downstairs from helping the girls pack for Sr. Camp to find this:

He's dead asleep... He didn't get a nap today, so he was very tired. I thought it was too cute to not share.

Toodles!

Pics

Here are a couple of pictures of the twins. They're so cute you can actually ignore the lack of picture quality!!

Texting...

I just read this in this month's Reader's Digest and had to post it. I found it quite amusing after I had translated it back to English... I almost had to get a Bible to make sure I was remembering them correctly!!

If God had texted the Ten Commandments to Moses:

M, pls rite on tabs & give to ppl
1. no1 b4 me. srsly.
2. dnt wrshp pix/idols
3. no omg's
4 no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
5. pos ok - ur m&d r cool
6. dnt kill ppl
7. :-X only w/ m8
8. dnt steal
9. dnt lie re: bf
10. dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.

-Jamie Quatro on mcsweeneys.net

Pictures

I have a lot of pictures that I want to post. I'm going to post a few here and the rest will be on the kids' pages. Be sure to check them out!!

In order of appearance: Momma and Londyn; Momma and Zander; Momma and Kyzer; Janessa, Momma and Hailey; Nanny, Zander and Kyzer (Can you tell what side of the camera Douglas is always on?!?)

If it ain't broke, don't fix it...

But it is "broke". It took me 5 days, but I finally bit the bullet and did the right thing. Ok, here's the story... 


It started this past Thursday evening. We have a basketball goal that hangs on an inside door. Kyzer plays all the time, but since it's so high, he decided to get a little closer by standing on one of his kiddie chairs, which added all of an extra 10 inches. It went out from under him and he landed awkwardly on his arm. When I picked him up (he was crying hard, of course), his left arm was bent behind him at a weird angle. I thought he'd dislocated his shoulder. When we could both talk again, he said his wrist hurt. It wasn't swollen; he could move it in all directions, and he was able to squeeze my fingers, so I didn't think it was broken. It didn't even bruise, so I eliminated a sprain as well. I figured he had hyperextended his wrist and was going to be sore for a while, but kept a sharp eye on him. 


He didn't eat supper, which is odd for him. He's a true boy, eating at every opportunity and then some. He held his arm, protecting it with his body.  I called a friend, asking for her opinion. Our friend is a pediatric nurse and her husband is a doctor of some sort. (The exact kind of medicine he practices escapes me right now, but he knows bones. He is not an orthopedic doctor, though.) They came over and looked at Kyzer's wrist. They said there were no bones displaced, but, if it were a greenstick fracture, it wouldn't show on the x-ray for about 48 hours anyway. 


The next morning (Friday), he seemed much better, still not using his arm much, but not protecting it, either. He fell off his scooter around lunch time, landing with some weight on his arm. He cried hard again, but ate and had a good nap. Then he fell over a stool that night, landing with his full weight on it. That really hurt. It still didn't swell, so I still wasn't sure if it were broken. I was still stuck on the hyperextended theory. 


The weekend was fine. He didn't fall and I thought he would be fine. We kept him fairly tied down so he wouldn't fall again and make things worse. Well, it was too good to last.  Monday right before lunch he was standing on a stool watching me cook and he fell off, again landing with full weight on his wrist. He didn't eat lunch ("I just don't feel very good, Momma.") and I noticed swelling just behind the wrist joint. 


I was up early the next morning (Tuesday) with the twins (they decided it was time to start their day at 4:00 for some strange reason), and did some research on greenstick fractures. (I know, I know- should have done that a lot sooner, right?!?) In all my learning, I realized that his wrist was swollen where his growth plates are and I didn't want to compromise those. I also realized he still wasn't using his arm much and couldn't bear weight on it. It just wasn't getting better.


So, I took him to Children's Mercy last night where we spent 3 hours learning that he had a minor radial fracture. I explained to him that they were going to have to take pictures of his bones, but they wouldn't hurt. In all honesty, he asked, "Do I have to smile?" He has a wonderfully bright yellow splint on for the time being, and thinks he's pretty cool. In an hour, Daddy is taking him to get his cast. He will have to wear it for 3 to 6 weeks, depending on doctor's orders.


He's not in any pain, and I'm having a hard time keeping him from flying around acting goofy. I've been tempted to duct tape his bottom to the couch! Now that it's in a splint and he doesn't have to protect it, he's making up for lost time by acting crazier than normal. Ah, the joys of little boys! 

In his splint- he loved the color! This was taken with my phone- pardon the quality (or lack thereof).

In his cast

Didn't take him long to get back on the scooter!

Only Janessa

Janessa came downstairs tonight with her pj's on backwards. Teasing her, I said, "You're head is on backwards!"

Her quick as a flash reply?

"What head?!?"

Zits

These days, I can totally relate to Jeremy in this particular cartoon!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all my wonderful friends that are mothers! The following was sent to me by my best friend's mother. Maybe our kids know us better than we think!!!

WHY GOD MADE MOMS 

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.  Mostly to clean the house.
3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2.  Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2.  They had to get their start from men's bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.  We're related.
2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3.  They say she used to be nice.
What did your mom need to know about your dad before she married him?
1.  His last name.
2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?
3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad? 1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.
2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.
3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1.  Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.
3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1.  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4.  Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1.  Mothers don't do spare time.
2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1.  On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.
2.  I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

On a Roll

Our children's active imagination never ceases to amaze me. I made a smoothie for Kyzer's breakfast this morning. Included was apple, orange, avocado, spinach, lemon and pineapple. It was really yummy! He took a huge slurp, then looked at me and stated "Needs chocolate." Then he proceeded to down the whole thing.

It poured rain, part of a beautiful spring storm moving through our area. I said, "Poor Daddy- he's working out in this rain." Douglas called a little later and was talking to Kyzer. Kyzer said, "You're a poor Daddy." Confused, Douglas asked why. "You're a poor Daddy cuz it's raining outside and you have to get wet!"

Kyzer's latest entertainment consists of watching the birds in the front yard and yelling at them out the window. Because of the rain, he noticed there were lots of puddles. Mom told him that it was the birds' bath. Kyzer said, "They didn't empty their water!"

And, yes, this all happened in the last 2 hours. He must get it from his daddy!

Ear troubles

Three ear infections in a month... Hailey, Kyzer and Londyn have all had an ear infection this month.  I just love hate it when the kids get a cold. And come winter, it seems like they're never over them. So, someone will end up with ear trouble. Because Londyn has had one and is under 4 months of age, she will likely end up with tubes. She may as well join the crowd- the older three all had them! I'm thankful for the help available to us in the medical world, so my children don't have to suffer. And have I mentioned how thankful I am for our excellent medical insurance?!? God knows how to take care of us!

Blendtec

The Total Blender from Blendtec- my late Christmas/birthday present from my wonderful husband. This blender will blend about anything- check it out on Youtube. It even makes hot soup in 90 seconds! I made ice cream for the kids Saturday night with spinach in it. They loved it!! And, yes, they knew the spinach was there, but they couldn't taste it. Kyzer and I have had smoothies for breakfast the last 3 days. What a great way to get vegetables into my kids that they absolutely refuse to eat!

Dog tired...

This is a feeling I can definitely relate to!

An  older, tired-looking dog wandered into my  yard.
I could tell from his collar and  well-fed belly that he had a home and was well  taken care of.He  calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on  his head;
he  then followed me into my house, slowly walked  down the
hall,  curled up in the corner and fell  asleep.
An  hour later, he went to the door, and I let him  out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in  my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in  the hall and again slept for about an  hour.
This continued off and on for several  weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar:  'I would like to find out who the owner of this  wonderful sweet dog is
and ask if you are  aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes  to my house for a nap.'
The next day he  arrived for his nap, with a different note  pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home  with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's  trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come  with him  tomorrow?' 

2 Month Checkup

The twins had their 2 month checkup today complete with shots. They each got 4 shots and the rotavirus vaccine. Needless to say, we're all miserable tonight! They did get a clean bill of health. Londyn is now 10 lbs 4 oz and 22 in long. Zander is 11 lbs and 22.5 in long. Their pediatrician was very impressed with their growth. God is good!

Dedication of Babies

We had a special service this past Sunday and dedicated the twins to the Lord. It was beautiful and they were so well behaved! We had the service at Pure Life and had a lot of support. We had a grand total of 29 and 8 of those were preachers. What an awesome move of God we had!! A special thank you to Bro. Mike Phillips from Fulton, MO for blessing us with his musical talents and leading worship. We appreciate each one being there and taking time from their busy schedules to show their support. We love you all!!

God is Good!

Londyn and Zander decided that last Wednesday evening was a good night for their first ER visit. They were both running a fever, although Londyn's was higher and had been for some time. She was running about 101.3* F an hour after Tylenol. Zander was around 99*. Being only six weeks old, we decided it was better to be safe than sorry. So, Nanny Wu and I bundled them up and took them to ER at Shawnee Mission Medical Center.

After a urinary, chest x-ray and blood draw, Zander looked fine. They decided he had an "upper respiratory infection", a fancy way of saying a cold. Londyn, however, was a completely different story. The ER doc called a pediatrician and after much discussion decided they also needed to to a spinal tap, since they found nothing in the initial results of the urinary test and blood draw. The bad news was that she needed to be admitted to Children's Mercy. They don't like to fool around with babies that little. I decided to let the doctors at Children's Mercy do the spinal tap, since they are used to working with little ones, and Shawnee Mission obviously (at least to me!) wasn't.

Heartbroken, I drove my baby girl to Children's Mercy and my mom took Zander home. Neither twin was impressed. Upon arrival, we were able to go right to her room, by-passing Urgent Care. Two nurses and the doctor met us there. The doc explained the whole lumbar puncture procedure, which helped put me at ease. They took Londyn and the doc was back in less than 15 minutes, saying she slept thru the whole procedure. They hooked her up to an iv to replace lost fluids and to give her antibiotics.

Not having slept for about 27 hours already, I was very tired, but unable to sleep, due to all the emotion and turmoil of the last few hours. I just held my precious baby girl and prayed.

She awoke around 6:30 to eat, but cried in pain for almost an hour and a half. I was unable to console her. Finally, the nurse came in and took her. As soon as he did, Londyn relaxed and drifted off to sleep. He talked to us for a few minutes, but when he'd move, she'd start crying again. He felt like she had a headache from the LP. So he swaddled her and gave her Tylenol. She slept for four hours and woke ravenous. After eating, she acted more like her old self.

Meanwhile, Daddy showed up to be with us. His job is still giving him fits. They didn't think he needed to take off and is trying to keep his holiday pay from Friday. God knows our needs and I know Douglas did the right thing in being with us. So, whatever the outcome, God is still on His throne and has our address. He will supply!

We had to stay there for 48 hours until all her test results came back. Saturday morning, I expected the doctor to make her rounds around noon. Imagine my surprise when she strolled into the room at 8:20, saying discharge papers were completed! All Londyn's test results were negative; the cause of her fever was ruled a viral infection. After three rounds of antibiotics (which don't do anything for a virus) and lots of rest, our little Londyn was back to normal. Her little black eyes just snapped when we put her in her car seat to take her home.

As we were standing at the nurses station, the doctor asked us to stop by the family consult room; she needed to talk to us before we left. She stepped away to take a page and Douglas asked me if I had stolen something! When she returned, she informed us that the lab had just called at 9:00 stating that there was one cluster of bacteria in Londyn's spinal fluid. Our hearts sank thru the floor- does this mean we will have to turn around and go right back into that room??? The doctor smiled and said that it was not the type of bacteria to cause an infection, but rather was a contamination from Londyn's skin when the needle was inserted. She said she just wanted us to be aware of this, and we were still free to go. As soon as she left the room, we made a mad dash for the door!

Coming home was so nice. The twins were glad to be together again. They hung out the rest of the day and would just touch each other to be sure they weren't alone. What precious gifts God has given us!

I give God all the glory for His healing hand. Even when we go thru a trial, He is our comfort and strength. Thank you all for your prayers- they helped make a difference!